Excerpts from Dr Sloth's Webjournal
by Jenqo
Summary: Ever wonder what Dr. Sloth does when he's not invading Neopia? Note: All three parts of this were published in the NT - username 'pseudo' ~Finis~
1. Even evil masterminds have off days

During a brief moment of boredom at work I started wondering what it might be like if Dr. Sloth kept a journal of his daily events.

This appeared in the Neopian Times issue 48 and I've already written a sequel but I keep forgetting to send it in.  Many people wrote me and asked for more, so I will try to keep this one going whenever I get a chance.

**Disclaimer: Neopets is NOT mine, nor are any of the characters, bands or species mentioned in this story.  For more information, go to www.neopets.com**

Excerpts from Dr. Sloth's Webjournal

Dr. Sloth's Webjournal

**Wednesday, July 10th, 2002****. ****2:12pm****.**

**Mood: Bouncy**

**Music: ****Flimsy (Tyrannian Dung Remix) - Yes Boy Ice Cream **

I just signed up for one of these things, 'webjournal.' Sounds intriguing, even I must admit.

Where to begin?

Today has been so far uneventful. I woke up at 6:00 and went jogging as usual. Today I decided to take a different route and go by the duck pond. The baby ducks are so cute. :)  I had to stop and feed them.  However, they did not seem to care for the gross food I offered.  What in Neopia am I supposed to do with all these infernal Tombola prizes?  Binky doesn't even want them!  I'd give them to the money tree, but that goes against my principle of generally being evil.

To make my morning even worse, some careless Gelert owner did NOT clean up after the infernal neopet. I had to throw away my trainers. What in Neopia are they feeding pets these days? All the more reason to unleash my unholy wrath and invade their pathetic little world...Oh, that reminds me, must go feed Binky. 

Be back later.

~Sloth

**Dr. Sloth's Webjournal**

**Wednesday, July 10th, 2002****. ****8:15pm****.**

**Mood: Disgusted**

**Music: Frankly Mr. Shankly – The Handsome Devils**

It just figures, those stupid Faeries have now banned me from the Omelette! I went there to get a piece of it to feed poor starving Binky and Sabre X attacked me from behind! I turned to give him a taste of my new and improved super sludge ray, but the batteries had run out. It just figures. See if I ever shop at Jake's discount evil things and plushie store again! (Must make a note to send Jake a 'present').  Mwahahaha.  Then Fyora appeared and started pelting me with Faerie cakes. More useless Tombola prizes!  

Luckily I managed to grab enough of them to keep Binky fed and happy for the next few days. I may consider checking him into cockroach towers for a while. At least until my evil plot is complete. Mwahahahaha!

Actually, while she was shrieking very un-faerielike things at me I happened to hear something about pets for your pet.  This sounds like something I should look into.  Binky gets bored when I disappear into my laboratory and the grundos are getting restless.  Maybe it's time to invade Tyrannia again?

~Sloth

**Dr. Sloth's Webjournal**

**Thursday, July 11th, 2002****. ****1:06am****.**

**Mood: Exhausted**

**Music: ****Neopian  Ways**** – Sticks N Stones**

Insomnia! That dreaded night visitor overcomes me. Even an evil mastermind such as myself is a slave to anxiety.

Got a call from Mum today. More of the usual..."When are you going to settle down? Haven't you met an evil villainess to settle down with yet...I want grandsloths!" 

Alas, the perfect villainess eludes me still. But I know she is out there somewhere. I can just picture her; long green hair flowing loosely down her back. Piercing red eyes, the lines etched into her forehead from the permanent glare...Ah, one can only dream.  I did hear something about a new Faerie actually.  Perhaps I'll see if the rumors are true tomorrow. 

On a bright note, my plans for world domination are falling nicely into place. I have already started the 'experiments.' Soon Fyora will regret banning me from the omelette! And all of Neopia will pay! Mwahahahaha!

Oh! Finally got Binky a petpet! He was so happy when he saw the little Floud. Actually I had it narrowed sown to a Floud or a Meekins, but I figured the Floud would match the décor better.  Plus the awful shrieking was starting to get on my nerves.  (Must make a note to breed a herd of rabid Meekins' for my next invasion of Neopia).  Before I left the shop, the shopkeeper, a delightful little gnome, told me to be sure I didn't feed the little pink blob any carrots.  I'm definitely tempted to feed it carrots now; after all, I am an evil mastermind. I'll do it when Binky is asleep.

~Sloth

**Dr. Sloth's Webjournal**

**Saturday, July 13th, 2002****. ****5:45pm****.**

**Mood: Sore**

**Music: It's Gonna Be Mynci – M*ynci**

Well, I just got back from the hospital. They were definitely right; NEVER feed the infernal beast carrots. What's worse, my super sludge ray has broken and Binky is angry with me for the petpet incident. Ungrateful little brat. Perhaps I should give him a transmogrification potion!

Oh, but that Faerie paintbrush was so expensive. Decisions, decisions.

On the plus side, the stay in the hospital gave me another deliciously evil idea. I'm going to start making mutant petpet transmogrification potions. Not that those stupid beasts need to be made mutant, but they are just so annoyingly cute.  And if I can harness the power of the Floud I will be invincible!

Oh! I have a new minion! I've sent her out now to pick up the latest edition of the Neopian Times. I fell behind during the hospital stay and I really want to see if Donna answered my question in the editorial. When she gets back I'll have her order me a pizza.

I discovered this website that does 'quizzes' the other day. It was quite entertaining. I spent three hours taking them.  Very insightful.

Oh, and I have also discovered these little 'emoticon' things I can use to set my mood. I can't decide between the bunnies and the kitties. Maybe I will flip a coin.

Note: I must send my minion out to steal a coin from someone.

**Dr. Sloth's Webjournal**

**Sunday, July 14th, 2002****. ****10:00pm****.**

**Mood: Frustrated**

**Music: The Chomby Dance - Chomby and the Fungus Balls**

ARGH!

I can't get this stupid 'HTML' thing to work. I've been at it since early morning and all I've managed to do is set the background colour! Incidentally, whoever thought up these number and letter combinations to represent colours is a fool. I finally gave up and typed in 'pink' and it worked! What is all this stuff about special codes anyway?

I guess Binky will have to wait a bit longer for his web page. 

I took another of those 'online quizzes.' They are really quite fun. Perhaps I will make one later, provided I can figure out this 'HTML' thing.

My minion was a spy for Fyora! I tried to turn her into a pile of sludge, but alas, my sludge ray is still broken. I had to order parts from the space station across the galaxy and I'm still waiting on them. Better arrive soon; I'm falling behind in random acts of evil.

Speaking of evil, I snuck into Faerieland today and got a peak at the new faerie.  She's beautiful!  I'm trying to work up the courage to ask her out.  Perhaps if I bring a gift, but what could a Dark Faerie possibly need?  I'll have to think on that a little.

I received my invitation today to the annual Evil Denizens of Neopia Costume Ball. I'm so excited; I must start planning my costume.

~Sloth


	2. In which Sloth gets a date

Okay, it seems I spoke too soon.  The second installment can be found in the Neopian Times issue 60.  They didn't tell me they were going to print this one and I only just discovered it.  

Oops, almost forgot the **disclaimer: Adam and Donna (and possibly a few more people I don't know about) own Neopets and all the characters that appear in this story.  Except some of the bands, I thought them up.  Creative, aren"t I? ;)  Go to www.neopets .com for more info.**

**More Excerpts from Dr. Sloth's Webjournal**

Date: Monday, 14th Swimming, Y4 4:53 pm

Music: Frost Cannon Battledome Blues – 2 Gallon Hatz

Mood: Disgruntled

I have just returned from the space station. Apparently a few of the rogue Grundo's have made a 'game' of whacking a sock puppet with a newspaper. The puppet doesn't even resemble me! I have MUCH more hair than that. And my eyes are much bigger and piercing. I'll have to give them a nasty little surprise when I get my sludge ray fixed. The parts shop I ordered them from called and said they had to back order the disfrantibulator and it would take another two weeks. TWO WEEKS! What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Jump out from behind doors and yell boo? That would hardly strike fear into the hearts of Neopians.

~Sloth

Date: Tuesday, 15th  Swimming, Y4 7:35 pm

Music: Show me the meaning of being fishy – The Backstreet Kois

Mood: Introspective

What do Dark Faeries like? Binky just came home and mentioned that he was on a quest for a dark faerie. Seems she wants a 'whistle.' Perhaps Jhudora might be interested in some trinket, I'll have to have my minions ask around. I have decided I will ask her to be my escort for the 'Evil Denizens' Costume Ball. Now I just have to think up a fantastic costume to impress her. Perhaps I'll pop in for tea with the pant devil later today and ask him what he's going as.

~Sloth.

Date: Wednesday, 16th Swimming, Y4 10:03 pm

Music: With Claws Wide Open – Stick N Stones

Mood: Annoyed

Well, today was a complete disaster. I stopped by the Pant Devil's place to see if he was in, but I forgot that it was his laundry day, so he was out.  Then I popped into the grooming parlour to get some costume ideas for the ED Costume Ball and they were all sold out of everything except super hold glitter hairspray. For that matter, I decided to try it and discovered that it is aptly named. To make matters worse, the 'glitter' is rainbow coloured and refused to wash out. So as I type this, my beautiful green tresses are now multicoloured, shiny spikes. I suppose if I wanted to dress as 'Graarrly Glitter' I'd be all set, however that is not the case.

Tomorrow I shall visit the clothing shop, perhaps they will have something to inspire me. I shall also change from my normal black robes to something more appropriate. If I'm stuck with rainbow glitter in my hair I'm at least going to make it look like it's intentional.

And something must be done about Binky. When I came out of the WC he burst into laughter and still hasn't settled down. Perhaps I'll send him out to the lab to 'play' with the new batch of mutant Grundos. Mwahahaha

~Sloth

Date: Thursday, 17th Swimming, Y4 5:45 pm

Music: She gathers feathers – Collective Pteri

Mood: Excited

What a busy day it has been! My goodness, I'm exhausted! I ran into Jhudora at the clothing shop, she was also shopping for her EDCB costume. She was being so very evil to that Uni that runs the shop I couldn't help but admire her even more. And, she agreed to be my escort for the ball! I am in absolute paradise. Here's what happened:

I walked into the clothing shop with my stylish rainbow suit and dark glasses complimenting my hair glitter perfectly. Jhudora was yelling at the shop Uni who was cowering under a stack of Techo Scarves. Jhu was immediately drawn to my suave good looks and casual indifference. She approached and commented on my hair. I flipped off my sunglasses (unfortunately I didn't notice the shelf until it was too late and one of the lenses shattered, but I don't think she noticed) and gave her my dazzling sloth smile. She was so charmed I swear she swooned a little. Then I complimented her stunning taste in clothing and asked her if she had her costume picked out for the ED party. She coyly ignored me and began flipping through the racks of something labeled 'support wings.' I decided to play it cool and absently pretended to browse among the Chia sweaters.

Eventually we met again at the discount bargain bin and our hands brushed as we both reached for the same green tie-dyed scarf. Then our eyes met and it was love at first sight. Right then and there I decided I had to do it. I asked her to be my escort and she accepted. Actually, she said she had been waiting for me to ask her. What can I say, I'm so irresistible. ;)

I am going to take another shower and try to wash this cursed glitter out of my hair.

~Sloth

Author's note: I managed to get hold of a copy of Jhudora's diary and thought it might be interesting to compare stories.

Dear Diary,

Today was the worst day ever! I broke a nail yelling at one of those ungrateful Neopet owners who took forever to bring me the purple paint brush that I asked for. Honestly, these people have no idea how many paint brushes it takes to keep me looking this good! Then I picked up a copy of the Neopian Times and noticed that there was a COMIC MAKING FUN OF ME! HOW DARE THEY!

I wanted to go over to Grundo's Gym to take out my frustrations on the treadmill, but I couldn't find it! So I stopped in at the clothing shop to see if they had anything interesting for my Evil Denizens Costume Ball outfit. The Uni that runs the place was giving me attitude, so I took her down a few pegs. How dare she say that I dye my hair! 

Then, to make matters worse, who should walk in but Dr. Sloth. Not only that, but he was dressed in the most bizarre fashion. He wore a rainbow coloured trench coat and disco pants, topped off by a pair of broken sunglasses. Not only that, but his hair! Before it was only slightly repulsive, but now...I do believe he's been using the super extra hold glitter hairspray from the grooming parlor. It was weird! It took me a minute to realize that he was either very drunk or previewing his Evil Denizens costume. Anyway, he started staring at me in the most uncomfortable way, then he came over and tried to act all cool, so I was like 'What's up with your hair?' and he was all, 'Oh, just trying out a new look.'

That completely weirded me out, so I thought that if I ignored him he would just go away. But he didn't. He kept staring at me, driving me crazy. I think he might have a crush on me or something. Then he grabbed my hand later and said he really liked my dress. Creepy. Anyway, the dude actually asked me if I wanted to go the Evil Denizens Ball with him. My first instinct was to refuse, but then I figured, hey, why not, he IS Fyora's worst enemy after all, it would get her wings in a bunch to hear that I went to the ball with him, so I figured, what the heck, it's only one night. So yeah. Anyway, I have to get back to finishing my nails before 'That Mynci Show' comes on. I love that show :)

Date: Friday, 18th Swimming, Y4 12:25 am

Music: Pretty Fly for a Kyrii – The Baby Lupe's

Mood: Pleased

Well, my hair is STILL pointy and shiny. I'm going to contact the manufacturer of this stuff and see if they make any sort of antidote. Then I'm going to recruit them into my evil army of destruction. Anyone who can make a product this evil deserves some sort of recognition. 

Oh, It turns out the shop was able to get the disfrantibulator out to me sooner than they thought!  I received it this morning and fixed my sludge ray, finally! It's about time. It cost an arm and a leg, but my Super Sludge Ray is now better than ever. I tested it out on that big stack of palm fans I got from the Tombola and it worked like a charm. Later I will go back to Neopia and we'll just see who tries to make fun of my hair now! Mwahahahaha

Hmmmm, must come up with a good costume, I'm stumped. Maybe a trip to the armory is in order.

~Sloth

Date: Saturday, 19th Swimming, Y4, 9:12 pm

Music: Around Neopia – The Red Hot Turnip Stackers

Mood: Gleeful

I'm so full of glee! I tried my Sludge Ray on my first victim and it worked! Ha ha! I reduced their Teenage Usuki Doll to a pile of sludge. Then I did a merry, yet dignified, jig for joy and ran off to cause more random acts of evil. Also ran into the Pant Devil today. He asked me what I was going as and I told him it was a secret. Then he refused to tell me who he was going as and we got into an argument. Then he tried to steal my pants! 

That's it; he's getting a fruitcake for Christmas this year.

~Sloth

Date: Saturday, July 20th Swimming, Y4 11:10 pm

Music: Love Chia – The Chia Sweaters

Mood: Spiteful

I've finally gotten inspiration for my costume. I've been thinking about my meeting with PD yesterday and I've decided that I will go as him! Yes, it will be my way of mocking him. And the costume should be fairly easy; I just need to make a pant flag. Oh joy!

~Sloth.


	3. Love and Chickens

Another Look Inside Dr. Sloth's Webjournal by pseudo  
  
Neopets belongs to Adam and Donna and a third party whom I've forgotten. Dr. Sloth is not my creation, he's just fun to mock. Check it out at www.neopets.com. And before I forget, this installment appeared in issue 69 of the Neopian Times. Thanks for reading and enjoying, this will be the last installment of Sloth's journal.  
  
Date: 1st Storing, Y4 9:25 PM Mood: Depressed  
  
Music: Down and Out in Tyrannia - Jazzmosis  
  
Dearest Webjournal,  
  
The days grow long and looming. As I sit here typing away, my heart grows heavy. The Evil Denizens Costume Ball was a complete disaster. The Pant Devil kept stealing parts of my costume out of sheer jealousy. He was dressed very unimaginatively in a white wig, fake beard and white robe. I still don't know who or what he was supposed to be, but his claws were longer than usual and he was carrying this unusual stick. I was, of course, bent on winning the best costume prize, but once he hid my attack fork I no longer stood a chance. To make matters worse, my lovely companion Jhudora's affections have waned. She spent most of the night in the company of a Vampiric Blumaroo. She claimed her costume went well with his, but I saw through her petty lies.  
  
There was a brief scuffle a little later when The Snowager turned up dressed as Illusen, the Earth Faerie. It seems Jhudora dislikes Illusen rather strongly. I had to threaten them both with my sludge ray before they finally calmed down. The worst part was that it has broken once again since the Snowager blasted it with ice. I'm afraid I'll have to build a whole new weapon now. Perhaps I'll reinforce it with transparisteel this time. That reminds me, Binky has been asking me to get him a 'NeoHome.' I must look into it later when I am less depressed. Right now I'm going to finish off that carton of triple chocolate chunky mynci ice cream.  
  
~Sloth  
  
Date: 2nd Storing, Y4 12:40 PM  
  
Mood: Puzzled  
  
Music: My Baby's in love with Mr. Shankly - 'Weird Hal' Elephante  
  
The oddest thing happened this morning. I had just returned from my morning jog around the space station when I got home and noticed Binky acting rather strangely. Apparently he has come down with a strange disease in which he believes himself to be a chicken. I'm not quite certain how to deal with this rather alarming condition. Jhu suggested I take him over to the Healing Springs, which I am hoping was her subtle method of inviting me to her cloud which is the next cloud over from her. I am pleased to report that she Neomailed me last night to apologise for her appalling behaviour at the costume ball.  
  
I asked her what was wrong and she claimed Von Roo knew where my attack fork was and that she was trying to get it back so I might still be eligible to win best costume. That's so typical of Jhu, always thinking of others. How could I possibly hold a grudge when she was simply trying to help me? I think I will head over to Faerie Land now and put her theory to the test. I'll just change and grab Binky from the coop and be off!  
  
~Sloth  
  
Date: 3rd Storing, Y4 9 AM  
  
Mood: Euphoric  
  
Music: The Neopet Song - Savage Neogarden Dearest, most wonderful Webjournal,  
  
I am in love!  
  
When I took Binky to the Healing Springs yesterday, the Water Faerie there gave me a poisonous snowball. I'm still not quite certain what to make of that. Poor Binky is still clucking and eating nothing but grain, but that is inconsequential in the scheme of things. When I stopped by Jhudora's Cloud she was delighted to see me. Before arriving, I stopped by the marketplace and picked up a slime potion as a token of my affections. She was delighted with my gesture and to show her appreciation she gave me a lollipop! And it's such a lovely colour as well, purple and green, her favourite. She even asked me to return tomorrow! I have a date with Jhudora tomorrow! I'm so happy! But whatever will I wear? Perhaps I need to run back out to the clothing shop this evening. To celebrate my newfound happiness I think I will go torture some minions.  
  
~Sloth  
  
Date: 4th Storing, Y4 5:19 PM  
  
Mood: Baffled  
  
Music: Little Petpet Shop of Horrors - The Lenny's  
  
I am slightly confused today. Once again I brought Binky over to the healing springs, but the Water Faerie simply gave me a mushroom, which, when I administered to poor Binky did nothing but increase his health point by one. He still believes himself to be a chicken. Next I stopped in to see Jhudora and she asked me to run an errand for her. I went out and got what she asked, but she seemed slightly distracted and told me to return tomorrow. She must have been very busy; I know how it can be when you are plotting to overthrow a world. Which reminds me, I must get back to work on that new ultimate weapon. Neopia is so wretchedly peaceful these days, I must invade soon before someone else does. Perhaps I will go do some spying.  
  
~Sloth  
  
Date: 5th Storing, Y4 10:35 PM  
  
Mood: Pensive  
  
Music: Usuki Sue - The Furry Gelerts  
  
I had an interesting day in Meridell today. There was a farm where I went and stacked some turnips. I'm not quite sure I understood the game fully, they seemed angry when I tried to mutate the turnips into an army of irate vegetables. Then I counted some potatoes, although I'm not sure I fully understood the point of that game either. Next they handed me a basket and sent me out into the fields to pick berries. I found nothing but rotten berries, old boots and dung. I think there may be a conspiracy. Jhudora once again asked for my help in finding an item for her evil plotting. I'm more than happy to help with anything to overthrow Neopia, but she refuses to tell me what she's up to. When I asked she just cackled and said Fyora was going to be very angry when she finds out. She did give me a rather unusual looking green potion though. I'm debating whether or not to feed it to Binky, perhaps it will cure him of his ailment. The Water Faerie is being no help at all; today she healed him by 3 points, but refused to cure him.  
  
~Sloth.  
  
Date: 6th Storing, Y4 8:45 PM  
  
Mood: Aggravated  
  
Music: Come on Fyora - Mynci's Midnight Swingers  
  
Binky still thinks he's a chicken, I'm giving up all hope of ever getting him back to normal.  
  
The healing springs were, of course, no help today either. I wonder if there might not be some sort of 'pharmacy' where I can go and buy medicine to cure Binky. After all, if this has happened to him, it must have happened to other Neopets. Unless it's another of Fyora's plots to run me out of Neopia. She truly is cruel. Today Jhudora sent me out for a Grilled Cheese and gave me her personal hairbrush in return! And here I thought she wasn't interested anymore. Even super intelligent criminal masterminds can make mistakes. Which reminds me, I've been neglecting my plotting.  
  
~Sloth 


End file.
